Tango is like intimacy: it is attractive and intimidating at the same time. There are many concerns and fears – reasons not to mess with tango.

Fear of rejection

They will not dance with me because of my age, look, height and weight. The color of my nose and the shape of my socks. In the moderate version: “no partner for me.” Followers mastered a special art of being uninvited, and leaders – of being rejected, invisible, nonverbally showing their inaccessibility or fear to dance, broadcasting a silent plea to ignore the invitation. It works not only in tango. Tango will help you figure out how you achieve rejection, and how you can act with less efficiency. Tango provides an opportunity to learn to refuse and to experience refusal, to be visible, to present oneself, to invite and to agree. Not only in tango.

Feeling inappropriate

Wouldn’t I look out of place, weird, ridiculous? Should I show up in a dress and high heels? At what age to come? Are they all tall, slender and with dance experience? Fear of rejection and a sense of inappropriateness have nothing to do with your genuine qualities. They are from dislike and lack of understanding from significant people. In tango you will get a novel experience: at least they will hug you and help you feel you are valued and appreciated.

Fear of intimacy

Intimacy, even in the form of hugs, can cause anxiety and fear. The most painful traumas we received in the intimacy. Now, with more resources and support, you can get a fresh experience.

I’m not attractive enough, not in shape, too old for tango

Tango changes the concept of attractiveness. It will convince you that not those who meet the standards of magazines look beautiful, but those who accept their body, their feelings and emotions. The same with physical condition. Grace, smoothness, the beauty of movement does not depend on the dancer’s weight. Even balance, coordination, strength and flexibility are not so important: tango is undemanding to physical condition. It is demanding to naturalness and sincerity.

I have never practiced dancing; I have no ear for music and no sense of rhythm

You can learn something new if you do something new. Tango was not composed or played for musicians. If you distinguish the intonations of human speech, you have a fairly good ear for music. In tango, you will learn to distinguish colors, smells, textures and tastes of music.

If your heart beats – you have a remarkable sense of rhythm, if you can step with your legs one after another – you have enough coordination and balance.

If your heart beats – you have a lot to fear in tango and everything to learn how to dance it.

c)
Igor Zabuta, izabuta.com; 
Emma Kologrivova, kologrivova.com;
dancing psychotherapists

P.S. The original text is in Russian. Please contact us if you can improve this translation.

More tango essays in Russian: tango-therapy.com.ua/wp/