A man leads, a woman follows. In tango, we return to our natural roles, to our essence. The woman is sensitive, soft and supple, the man is decisive and responsible. It is natural, so was conceived by Nature.

This is commonplace. And this is not true. If you are lucky in tango and you find a woman who will lead you, you will get an unforgettable experience. Some women are unnaturally good at unnatural role for their gender. I was lucky. The feeling of enveloping care, sensitivity and attentiveness to my condition, to my comfort in hugs and movements. Delicately and gently, rather through a question than through affirmation, through some kind of bodily-musical naturalness. A delightful narcissistic experience when such beautiful music is expressed with my body. Eyes close, I dissolve in a partner and music, and listen, listen, give in and surrender to both of them.

Remark: I’m a brutal cynical man of 47 years with a XXL size chutzpah, I can open a bottle of beer with the teeth of the enemy, drink a glass of pure alcohol and throw a cigarette butt past the urn, I can wash myself with tar soap and I can’t stand sentimentality and fainting sensitivity. Only for some reason, when a woman leads me, I totally betray my masculine essence and have no time to crush butterflies fluttering in the whole body.

What is it about? The fact that male-female roles are not so much from nature as from culture? Or about Jungian Anime? I don’t know, and I don’t really believe in the opportunity to know. It seems to me that personal sensory experience is more valuable than explanatory models.

It seems to me that “truly” male and female (or just human?) is better understood in interaction, relationships with other men and women (or just people?). You need to try, you need personal experience. If it is different from expected, you need some courage to accept it.

Igor Zabuta, psychotherapist, tango-teacher; http://izabuta.com/en/