“My dream is to dance tango with my beloved.” So many times I have heard this! I would like to add “… and part as friends.”

Tango is a trial for couples.

Beloved man, your man, it turns out he cannot lead you. He doesn’t really lead in everyday life. And there is a crowd of girls around, they are prettier, younger and dance better. Sometimes even with him. He’s never been a particularly good dancer, but all the time she tells me where to put my feet.

Beloved woman, he does not feel me, for some reason she puts her feet in the wrong place. She says that partner is better. I tell her how to step correctly, but she does not listen. Doesn’t listen to me!

And instead of spinning in a dance, dissolving into music, flying up and hovering, you are stamping on each other’s legs and butting your heads. And there is even a suspicion of who is to blame.

The couple finds themselves in a situation where both are obviously incompetent and this incompetence is manifested in a very delicate, intimate and vulnerable sphere – in bodily interaction. Starting to learn tango, we do not know how to dance tango. Unexpected fact.

It is difficult to get out of this situation without losses.

It is necessary to part with the illusion that your beloved man can do everything for you, that he is the best in everything. For the man it is necessary too.

You’ll have to accept that the telepathic connection in your couple, if there was one, is now absent. And that verbal also lossy. And that perfect harmony in your couple was invented by someone else.

An unpleasant discovery: if you are a man, this does not mean that you are better than a woman in understanding how the body works. Even her body.

You’ll have to accept that your partner admires others, enjoys dancing with them. And not only dancing, but also their hugs, smell and charm. In tango you dance with people in their entirety.

If you love your partner for something, for excellence and dignity, be ready for disappointment. Your partner is not the best. There are better ones.

If you love a partner unconditionally, and imperfections are accepted, be prepared to accept another cart of previously unknown imperfections. And drag it yourself. Nobody will give you a horse in tango.

***

Couples who survive in tango will lose many illusions, but they can really meet.

Couples who came to tango and stayed (as tango-couples or just as a couple) deserve respect. As well as the couples who parted “thanks” to the tango.

These are overused words, but you need real maturity and awareness to survive in tango.

c)
Igor Zabuta, izabuta.com; 
Emma Kologrivova, kologrivova.com;
dancing psychotherapists

P.S. The original text is in Russian. Please contact us if you can improve this translation.

More texts in Russian: tango-therapy.com.ua/wp/